Mrs. Young was fortunate enough to baby-sit us enough times to meet our next set of pets but then went where ever baby-sitters go when you are not using them.
mork replicant
The good news was my parents had once again decided we were ready for dogs and brought home two cocker spaniels. Two dogs. Brother and sister. Mork and Mindy. Having two dogs again was great and these two were tons of fun for us, but not really for each other. Being brother and sister, they fought alot and managed to tear up several parts of the house in the process. Now at this time my mom had finished her schooling and become a full fledged Interior decorator. This house was one of her first projects. Dad was still in construction. Within weeks, our comfy home became a museum with all of Barbs work on display, leaving very few spaces (outside of our rooms) as public domain. Unfortunately Mork and Mindy didn’t appreciate Mom’s hard work. The decision was made to give one of them away. Mork was extremely cute and had this strange way of looking at you that instantly melted your insides. Mindy on the other hand was extremely fat with a tiny tiny head and sort of resembled an anteater. This was unacceptable. Mindy had to go. Shallow yes…but we were kids and a cool dog was an essential accessory at the time.
mindy replicant
Now don’t be sad for her because leaving our family turned out to be the best thing that could happen. She lived longer than any other pet and actually died of natural causes. Mork on the other hand went on to become our most famous dog.
You see, part of Mork’s appeal was that he was dumb. Very, very dumb. Beyond dog dumb. He had the distinction of being the only dog we ever had to be hit by a car and survive. A statistic he abused to its fullest, because he got hit by cars alot. We used to live beside a school and Mork had a tendency to follow us there and then follow other kids around. Especially when they were crossing the street to go to the local candy store. But he never quite figured out the reason the kids were running was because of the fast moving vehicles quickly approaching. The kids always made it. Mork wasn’t so fortunate. I remember the first time he got hit… and the second… and the third. Every time you would hear a large screech, followed by a large dog style scream and then Mork would be sitting on the side of the road with this “fuck me” look in his eyes. Everybody would come running, including at least one heroic doctor who would quickly realize his years of medical training meant shit when it came to dogs. Mork would be okay after some comforting and attention to his wounds (usually just a wicked bump on the head) but he never quite learned his lesson. He would not only follow kids home, but also bikes, and sometimes even cars. The first time he did this we got a call during supper from someone who lived at least 10 miles away. They asked us if we knew who Mork was and would we like him back anytime soon. My dad was at work and Mom had supper on the table, so mom came up with the brilliant idea of having this family stick Mork in a cab. This was such a good idea that it became common practice. Cab drivers would show up with this “are you serious?” look on their face and then shuffle this confused looking creature back to his home. At one point we actually had an account with Halton taxi just for Mork and he became a very popular customer because he didn’t say much, he was house broken(except for that one time), and he was rumored to be an excellent tipper.
There was another quality that added to his fame. He had no sense of direction except towards me. I remember being in the middle of morning chapel at school and seeing him follow the choir down the aisle. Then, from the back of the chapel I’d hear Mr. Nightingale, the school’s very British junior headmaster shout, ” Edgecombe, get that dog out of here.” Then there was mealtimes. In the middle of grace Mork would wander down the aisle straight to my table and once again “Edgecombe, get that dog out of here.” Mork even made the school video and I didn’t ! Needless to say, like Tia, Mork experimented with porcupines. On several occasions. Until Halloween…
It was Halloween night when Mork’s curious nature and lack of smarts(or too many cars to the head) got the best of him. He got out that night. He had such a field day with all the kids he could follow he never came home. A week passed. Than a month. Even Halton taxi had no idea where he was.
Winter came. Pools were closed for the season. The air froze as February and March passed. One day in April we heard screaming. It was from next door. In the remaining water in the corner of our neighbors pool was a large blob like figure. If you’ve seen CreepShow 2, it kind of looked like that floating garbage bag creature that devoured humans and ducks. This might help…
When you get home tonight, take a piece of bread and put in a bowl of water. After about one minute try to pick it out with your hands. A soggy bread like object was now decorating the bottom of the Kirk’s pool. We never really had solid proof that the figure was Mork. I’d like to believe he’s still roaming the Earth, kind of like a retarded Lassie, but the guy who scooped him out was pretty damn sure this Rorschach blob used to be our dog. It was very sad…
